Happy 6th Anniversary To Me!

Today is the 6 year anniversary of when I moved from Sweden to Spain, and I'd like to share the story behind it with you all.

A long time ago, when I was a young girl, I dreamed about living somewhere where it was sunny and warm and where there was water; lake/sea/ocean, it didn't matter. I never liked the cold darkness of the Swedish winters, and as I grew older I started to sink more into depression every winter. But, as with my dream of writing, it wasn't realistic and it soon became a neatly tucked away dream.

6 and a half years ago my dad got sick, with no hope of survival. He was diagnosed with kidney cancer that had spread more or less everywhere in his gut area. We got 2 months and a week after first diagnosis. It was hard, of course, but we made the most of that time. We made sure to say the things that needed to be said. He went peacefully with myself and my sister by his side, holding his hands.

When he was diagnosed I had just moved in with my boyfriend at the time, and his mother was also fighting cancer. And so, 19 days after my dad died, my boyfriend's mother passed too. It was 2 days after my dad's funeral, and of course things where extremely tough on all of us. In the midst of all this, I ended up having a huge, heartbreaking disagreement with someone very close to me, with the result that I lost yet another very important person in life.

Three months after my dad died my boyfriend and I broke up. And I was completely, and utterly, heartbroken. I just wanted to die, That was 3 of the most important men in my life that I had lost in as many months. Breathing hurt. Being awake was agony. It was a Sunday when my boyfriend and I broke up. I spent the Monday crying and sleeping, with friends keeping me company so I wouldn't do anything stupid, and I woke up Tuesday morning with the idea that now was the time to move away. For Real!

I didn't have many things in my possession, most I had already gotten rid of, and most of what I did own were things after my dad. My son had his own life, with his own place and I knew he wasn't going to hang around in our little town longer than necessary anyway. I had some insurance money after my dad. I didn't have a job, and I had to find somewhere to live. It was now or never! I didn't have the strength to resist my dream anymore.

But, where should I go? I had only been abroad once, to Turkey, and lovely as it was I knew I didn't want to live there. I started searching travel agencies just to get a feeling for something. An old friend pop up on Facebook, and I remembered that he now lived in Spain, but I had no idea where in Spain. It turned out that he lived in a town called Fuengirola on the Costa del Sol. Perfect!!

The following day, on the Wednesday, I booked my one way flight. On the Sunday I took two big bags and one small bag and I took the train to Arlanda Airport. I landed at Malaga Airport at 22.54 that very evening. March 1st 2009.

I know today that it was my dad that gave me the courage to do it! During his last months he taught me that life is short and you never know how long you will have. Make sure to be happy, follow your dreams, make your own life. So I owe my happiness today to my dad!

The person I had the huge disagreement with was not an active part of my life for 5 years, but we are now reconnected which makes me very happy.

Sometimes life takes a different turn to what you expected, you will get the opportunity to take a side road to something unknown, And that is ok. Actually, in my experiences those are the best times of your life as long as you follow your heart's desire. Those are the moments that will take you to higher grounds. Everything Will Be OK. Always. If you follow your heart's desire.

I live every day of my life honouring my dad. I make sure to find happiness in everything I do, every day. It might not always be obvious, or easy, but it's my way of making sense of his death.

With this in mind, today's video/song choice was an easy one. My dad introduced me to this song once upon a time, and I loved it so much that he got tired of me playing it over and over. It always makes me feel close to him, and the lyrics are quite fitting too, don't you think?

Love//
Carina

A Walk With A View

After work today I went for a walk with my good friend T and her new dog B. We walked on the long beach along the Mediterranean Sea (it is actually the longest beach in southern Europe, on the mainland), the was dog skipping, playing, in sand around our feet, absolutely loving every second of, and the waves were hitting the beach just next to us. It was a bit cloudy, but the temperature was very nice and we wore long sleeve, thin jumpers; no coats or jackets were necessary. It was lush, beautiful, lovely, fun and energizing. It always is on our walks. Refreshing for body, mind and spirit.

T and I talk about life, about feelings, being in the now and about the future. It's always a very good time when we see each other, and time always fly. Too quickly. But I always leave our meetings feeling happier, stronger and more alive.

Today we went out on one of the piers along the beach, and I filmed the view, all around, from where we were standing. It is T you see in the clip. This is about a 25 minute walk from my house. This is one of the big joys of my life. The Sea, and the mountains in the background behind the houses. The sounds, the smell, the taste, the feelings. It's all giving me life.

Film clip from the pier in Carjaval, Fuengirola, Spain

The African coastline is just out of sight from here, but on clear days you can see it from the mountains behind us. I always think that is so cool.

By the way, next I'll try moving it slower. :)

Love//

Carina

Music Sunday

It's Sunday. I love Sundays here in Southern Spain, on the Costa del Sol, because (more or less) all the shops and supermarkets are closed. The only places open are restaurants and bars. Sundays are days of leisure, of resting and of catching up with yourself and your family. Some people find this stressful, but I think it's fantastic, and I think it should go back to being this way everywhere. There's too much stress in the world today. To me Sundays have become a day of nurturing my inner peace. And I think we all need more of that.

Anyway, one of my all-time favourite films out there is Pitch Perfect, and as most of you know, there is a sequel coming in May. Until then, we can all re-watch and re-listen to this video and song. This video speaks to me, as it is about following your heart and dreams, it's all about nurturing yourself.

Have a great Sunday, everyone! I'll see you next week!

Here's Cups (When I'm Gone) with Anna Kendrick from Pitch Perfect.

Love//
Carina