The story behind this drawer is that it belonged to my dad (I have no idea where he got it from) and he'd had it for as long as I can remember. I don't remember when I first told him that I wanted it, but I remember always wanting it. My dad always used to answer me that it would be mine when he died. Obviously, I never wanted him to die, but I still wanted the drawer. I think it meant a lot to him that I wanted it. I'm not even sure what it is about it that attracts me so much, it is just a feeling I have, that we belong together, and it hurts me to think of it standing there alone in a dark storage room far, far away from me and where it's supposed to be.
When my dad got sick, and we were told there was nothing to do to save him, my sister and I asked him to write down what he wanted for his final wishes. He had some wishes for his funeral, some things he wanted to say to us, and two things he wanted a special person to have, one of them was that I should have the drawer. It hurts me even more to think of the drawer not being with me because of that very reason.
I know it will all fall into place one day, though, and I will be able to bring it here, so at the moment I am learning how to not put my writing dream too much together with the dream of the drawer, because the writing can't wait. I need to write first, and the drawer will be brought here. One way or another.
The choice of song for this post was easy because today we learned that the world has lost one of it's greatest composers, James Horner. Mr Horner composed some of the best film scores ever composed, including the amazing My Heart Will Go On from Titanic. As much as I love the lyrics of the song, and they would fit tremendously well with the feelings I have right now thinking of my dad and his drawer, James Horner composed the music, but didn't write the lyrics, and so I wanted to find an instrumental rendition of it.
In an interview, with the Los Angeles Times in 2009, James Horner said about his composing; "My job /--/ is to make sure at every turn of the film it's something the audience feel with their heart. When we lose a character, when somebody wins, when somebody loses, when someone disappears - at all times I'm keeping track, constantly, of what the heart is supposed to be feeling. That is my primary role." I think that was the key to his success, he was feeling everything in his heart. And that is how I want to write. With my heart.
Here is my choice for today; Taylor Davis, an amazing violinist, and wow, my heart is certainly feeling it!